so... you're a girl,huh?

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Wanna have sex?

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Sex?

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!