Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

Get in the van.

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!