Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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imgonna r@pe you

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!