Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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who wants to play EPAR

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!