- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -32

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -260

Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

thumb_up thumb_down +230

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

thumb_up thumb_down +144

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

thumb_up thumb_down +186

-I love you.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +90

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Walking to your car alone later?

thumb_up thumb_down +143

boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

thumb_up thumb_down +253

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!