I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Walking to your car alone later?

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Wanna have sex?

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!