- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!