- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

haha

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!