"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!