Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +149

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

thumb_up thumb_down -121

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +288

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -815

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

thumb_up thumb_down +185

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

thumb_up thumb_down +74

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

thumb_up thumb_down -74

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

thumb_up thumb_down +72

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!