Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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I hate you already.

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!