Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!