Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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why are you you touching me ????

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!