Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!