Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

thumb_up thumb_down -36

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

thumb_up thumb_down -17

are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down -30

-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -128

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -61

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

thumb_up thumb_down +38

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -52

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +10

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!