Hey girl! Faggot.

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Sex?

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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So when' the baby due?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Lol, lucky you that this piece of shit site worked so fast for you huh DAD? Fine, I need no essay on her ass, my firm (well where I work at the top of the foodchain lets be modest here) sponsors all Samsung phones, so seriously ill get you the most expensive one I can find (its free, ill just tell them I need an extra one for, calling, but just for you, if you tell anybody else, ill just slash your tires. Man, I hate HATE sounding nice because I am not, but you can have that damn Fiat something (black car) that I bought from my ex, you take that instead? You still owe me the cash, but the car is yours (I never use it, and its you know... Bad, but still ten thousand times better than your car. Moral: Me? I just cant bother using my wives phone in order to call myself and find my own damn phone, so if you read this, you are golden. Oh, and if you want that piece of shit car of yours (cant even tell the brand can you? Seriously tell me) then you can have the damn money, but no paintjob, that car is, and must look like the trash it is. AMEN? Jk, Fuck Amen. Finally, so you want one with Keyboard attachment or one with keyboard embedded into the screen? The ones with the keyboards are usually a bit more pricey, but man, some of them suck ass, still I can get you like the one I got for business (yeah we gotta use fucking Samsung phones it pays well though) And forget your damn car tires, XD Im laughing here, some could steal those dirty flat pieces of shit, and you would be driving without noticing shit my whigga XD.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!