-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +53

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

thumb_up thumb_down +192

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +466

(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

thumb_up thumb_down -42

"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +112

Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +166

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

hey bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +13

if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

thumb_up thumb_down -77

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -76

I'll punch ya!

thumb_up thumb_down +76

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +162

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

thumb_up thumb_down +188

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!