-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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I have no gag reflex.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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you look like my mother

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!