-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!