Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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- You look really nice - I know

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!