Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

hey you look like a good practice girl.

Yeah... you'll have to do.

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

GET IN THE VAN!!!

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!