Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -260

"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +358

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +121

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

thumb_up thumb_down +45

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -205

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +236

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,216

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -617

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -93

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +141

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

thumb_up thumb_down -554

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,068

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -319

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -983

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +407

Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!