hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!