Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!