Don't turn this rape into a murder.

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

jack sanders

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

Give me some sugar... honey.

Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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