Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -74

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

thumb_up thumb_down -40

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -112

girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Eat me, I'm organic!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

thumb_up thumb_down -131

“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

thumb_up thumb_down +2

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Soon

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +181

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +73

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +390

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!