Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!