-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Have you met Ted?

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!