Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

you look like my mother

Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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