-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!