Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!