Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

thumb_up thumb_down +65

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

thumb_up thumb_down +92

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +162

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +93

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

thumb_up thumb_down +63

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!