-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!