- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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I'll eat your poop

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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rohypnol. rape drug

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!