do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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-Get in the Van

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!