The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Are your prices by the hour

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!