Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

thumb_up thumb_down -62

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

hey Herpes Go Away!

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

thumb_up thumb_down -63

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +207

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +66

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down +209

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +392

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!