-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

I've got candy.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

thumb_up thumb_down +148

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

thumb_up thumb_down -65

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

"Next!"

thumb_up thumb_down +94

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

thumb_up thumb_down -141

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!