Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

thumb_up thumb_down +54

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

thumb_up thumb_down +30

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +109

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +403

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -88

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

thumb_up thumb_down +66

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Do you want to see something swell?

thumb_up thumb_down -61

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +97

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!