Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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So when' the baby due?

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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