Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Get in the van.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!