- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!