- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!