Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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I have a gun.

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!