So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!