Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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You allergic to semen?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!