Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

you actually look alright with the lights on.

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

will you marry me

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!