He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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"You'll do."

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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your almost as hot as my wife

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!