You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

Damn you look good in beer goggles.

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

Gaywatch starts

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

This doesn't have to be a rape.

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

free candy....

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!