You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

Happy BirthdaySean!

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

My therapist says I should meet new people.

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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