-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Moral man: Hey ladies... wanna read my "moral man original jokes?" then you are at the right place! Just scroll down the newest section and you will feel, insulted, charmed, happy, sad, and all that stuff you always wanted! Except beaten up... Moral man do other things to women... BTW I used to write comics (not draw them) for STUPIDO once... well I cant say more... Girl: "Reads": OMG I SO WANT YOU! Moral: If you are gonna like me less (or more) because of the "infomercial" nature of this anti-joke, then you must be the kind that yells to the TV a lot, and throw bricks at the television when it says "this show is presented by" So just do it, prove you are a nutcase, give me that luxury.

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!