Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!