You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!