Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

I take the the out of psychotherapist

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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