Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!