Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

So when' the baby due?

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

Hello, it's nice to meet you.

Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

I have a really big..... Bank Account

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Still a better love story than Twilight

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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