Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!