Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Drink this!

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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sound of zipper

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!