*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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I hate you already.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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I have no gag reflex.

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!