Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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You look... clean

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!