Do you want to see something swell?

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?


-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book

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