-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!