roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!