As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Want to go out? No

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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why are you you touching me ????

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!