M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!