-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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jack sanders

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!