Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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Hey, you want a ride?

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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my dick is 2 inches

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!