-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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my dick is 2 inches

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!