Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Glass Basketball

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!