Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Glass Basketball

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!