-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down -76

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +42

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +16

EVERYONE ELSE

thumb_up thumb_down +32

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +98

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +57

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey, do you want to dance? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

thumb_up thumb_down +151

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!