Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

thumb_up thumb_down -18

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

thumb_up thumb_down -66

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -989

Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +31

yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -76

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -849

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!