Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

thumb_up thumb_down -83

-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

thumb_up thumb_down -79

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

thumb_up thumb_down -154

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -163

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down -31

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +32

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Stable relationships are for horses.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +252

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!