"Hmm...you'll do."

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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sound of zipper

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!