Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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