Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

So, you're a girl, huh?

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

You look... clean

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

GET IN THE VAN!!!

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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