Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

hey Herpes Go Away!

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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