Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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You look exactly like my sister.

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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