Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

thumb_up thumb_down +56

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -66

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

thumb_up thumb_down -56

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

thumb_up thumb_down +185

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +332

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +320

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +316

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -44

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!