BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

thumb_up thumb_down +135

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -38

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down +226

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +21

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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why are you you touching me ????

thumb_up thumb_down -35

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

thumb_up thumb_down -14

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!