Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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