-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!