Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Hello children! :D

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!