Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Penis. I got it

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!