If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!