Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!