Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Are your prices by the hour

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!