Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!