Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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You look... clean

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!