I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

thumb_up thumb_down -50

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +182

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -54

-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

thumb_up thumb_down +137

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

thumb_up thumb_down +151

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -117

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +93

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

thumb_up thumb_down -12

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!