Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!