Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -96

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -87

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

thumb_up thumb_down -67

can i take a dump in your mouth?

thumb_up thumb_down -134

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +59

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!