Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

you actually look alright with the lights on.

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

Glass Basketball

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

GET IN THE VAN!!!

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!