Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!