- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

GET IN THE VAN!!!

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!