That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

Drink this!

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!