Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

whats up ho

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

Get your coat love. I've got a knife

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

hey you look like a good practice girl.

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!