- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

Your skin would make a nice coat.

-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

I have no gag reflex.

"Don't scream"

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

You look... clean

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!