boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

Your skin would make a nice coat.

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Your body would look good in my trunk.

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!