man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!