- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

Walking to your car alone later?

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

Your body would look good in my trunk.

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!