- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Walking to your car alone later?

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

You look... clean

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

you actually look alright with the lights on.

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!