"Don't scream"

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

Your body would look good in my trunk.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

You look... clean

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

Walking to your car alone later?

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!