"Don't scream"

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

You look... clean

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

Your body would look good in my trunk.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

Walking to your car alone later?

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!