Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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You look... clean

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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I have no gag reflex.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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"Don't scream"

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!