- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

Walking to your car alone later?

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

You look... clean

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

I have no gag reflex.

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

"Don't scream"

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

you actually look alright with the lights on.

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!