Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

You look... clean

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

Your body would look good in my trunk.

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!