-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

You look... clean

Walking to your car alone later?

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

I have no gag reflex.

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

you actually look alright with the lights on.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!