- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

Your body would look good in my trunk.

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

You look... clean

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!