Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

Walking to your car alone later?

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

"Don't scream"

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

I have no gag reflex.

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

You look... clean

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

you actually look alright with the lights on.

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!