Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

Walking to your car alone later?

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

You look... clean

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

"Don't scream"

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

I have no gag reflex.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!