-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!