Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down -38

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

thumb_up thumb_down +130

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

thumb_up thumb_down +12

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -36

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whatever I'll just date myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Wanna have sex?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

thumb_up thumb_down +147

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +218

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

thumb_up thumb_down

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!