Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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my dick is 2 inches

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!