"You'll do."

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!