Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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your almost as hot as my wife

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!