when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Welcome to DIE!

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!