Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

Hey can I have your number? No.

Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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