if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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