Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

thumb_up thumb_down -46

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +367

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

thumb_up thumb_down +132

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -87

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

thumb_up thumb_down +49

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!