Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Are your prices by the hour

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!