I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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haha

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!