Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Glass Basketball

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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You look... clean

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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