- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

thumb_up thumb_down -36

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Hey, do you want to dance? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +143

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

thumb_up thumb_down +166

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -47

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!