Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +103

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +82

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +246

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +339

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down +164

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

thumb_up thumb_down -124

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +201

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +443

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

thumb_up thumb_down -526

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +442

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!