Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +143

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +244

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +373

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

thumb_up thumb_down +67

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

thumb_up thumb_down +338

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -40

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

thumb_up thumb_down +380

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +63

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!