cockface

thumb_up thumb_down -103

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

thumb_up thumb_down +33

"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

thumb_up thumb_down +168

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -98

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

thumb_up thumb_down -11

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -73

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -98

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -20

i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

thumb_up thumb_down -143

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!