Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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So when' the baby due?

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!