Stable relationships are for horses.

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!