-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!