Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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I have no gag reflex.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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Walking to your car alone later?

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Soon

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!