Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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greetings clarisse...

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Welcome to DIE!

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!