Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!