You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Im gonna rape you..

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!