-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!