- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!