greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +99

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Wanna have sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -41

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

thumb_up thumb_down +91

I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +1

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

thumb_up thumb_down +118

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -630

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!