- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? draws gun Moral: Pretty immoral

Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

jack sanders

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book