Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!