Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Yeah you got me there dude, you really got my bragging rights... I am here with some "just" (nothing special) friend of my wife, that is wearing me out as she wont get off my Swagger, but while mentioning it like this makes me just as depraved as her... Gotta say, woman pleading me to get jumping on my cock, while my wife makes us breakfast... ...Im done being the king, im a fucking God. Anyway, "Eriksen" (you know who I mean) is pissed at me because I was supposed to be at work, and he apparently spends time here looking for me when he knows I am getting down and... Man this woman needs the cock... I mean at this rate she will bang me to death... ...But what a way to go. But seriously, would I really be at work, and allow you to come get my/now your car from garage whose walls are so paper thin that the police and securitas would be on your ass if I was not at least nearby? (well securitas are lazy, but as a lawyer, I benefit from suing them... Again) There are like eight alarms there, and you so gangsta you would get jailed. UPDATE: Punches, not slaps, remember the guy who punched that sweet chick when he got drunk, and then you punched me down and I got up and broke your jaw? Yeah that shit stings still, Five punches, at any time (no haymakers hey, I know my haymakers/uppercuts) but you take five punches... The fuck am I talking to, whigs is here already... Moral: I wont just write this shit just to make it all disappear with a delete button, fuck, im a super sayan!

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!