Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

thumb_up thumb_down +100

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down -41

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

thumb_up thumb_down +56

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +210

How much do you like peanut butter?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -81

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +110

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +127

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I'm desperate, you'll do.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!