Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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my dick is 2 inches

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!