- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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-I love you.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!