Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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free candy....

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!