Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Stop Footing Around

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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greetings clarisse...

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!