Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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-Get in the Van

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!