Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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will you marry me

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!