My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

your almost as hot as my wife

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Hello, it's nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down +224

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

thumb_up thumb_down +27

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -59

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +344

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

thumb_up thumb_down -114

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!