"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!