Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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greetings clarisse...

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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Sex?

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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adam burdass

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!