You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +90

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -97

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

thumb_up thumb_down -4

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

thumb_up thumb_down -41

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +273

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

thumb_up thumb_down -128

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -132

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Walking to your car alone later?

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Put the lotion on the skin!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

thumb_up thumb_down -77

your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -630

The below is no anti-pickupline unless you are a Jehova`s witness and want to uh... save my sole or something? Or just read a fun story... Moral: Like pick up lines is something one of them would use... actually they do after I reject their many offers... how? Keep on reading below to find out... its fun, promise. (unless you are a Jehova`s witness...)

thumb_up thumb_down +44

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!