Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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"Next!"

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!