As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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-Get in the Van

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!