i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Male: Get in the van.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!