hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +160

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +905

Hey wanna smash pissers?

thumb_up thumb_down -147

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +195

haha

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -103

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

thumb_up thumb_down +152

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Hello children! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -34

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

thumb_up thumb_down -49

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!