This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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my dick is 2 inches

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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-Do you like me? -No

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!