Drink this!

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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are you on fire?

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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Welcome to DIE!

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!