Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -41

hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

thumb_up thumb_down +212

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +73

At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

thumb_up thumb_down -174

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -784

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +78

-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -36

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

thumb_up thumb_down +194

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

haha

thumb_up thumb_down -43

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

thumb_up thumb_down +192

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!