- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book