Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +265

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

thumb_up thumb_down +4

GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

thumb_up thumb_down +22

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

haha

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -125

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -135

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!