If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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cockface

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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imgonna r@pe you

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!