Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!