Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Moral man: Hey ladies... wanna read my "moral man original jokes?" then you are at the right place! Just scroll down the newest section and you will feel, insulted, charmed, happy, sad, and all that stuff you always wanted! Except beaten up... Moral man do other things to women... BTW I used to write comics (not draw them) for STUPIDO once... well I cant say more... Girl: "Reads": OMG I SO WANT YOU! Moral: If you are gonna like me less (or more) because of the "infomercial" nature of this anti-joke, then you must be the kind that yells to the TV a lot, and throw bricks at the television when it says "this show is presented by" So just do it, prove you are a nutcase, give me that luxury.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Soon

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!