I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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You look exactly like my sister.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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"You'll do."

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!