- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!