Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -146

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down +68

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -566

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

thumb_up thumb_down +11

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +357

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +523

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +57

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -249

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!