I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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