He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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Welcome to DIE!

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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"You'll do."

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!