Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

Your skin would make a nice coat.

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!