- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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my dick is 2 inches

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Welcome to DIE!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!