Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!