he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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"Don't scream"

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Welcome to DIE!

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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nice kid... want another?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!