Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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You look exactly like my sister.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Soon

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!