A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!