Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!