Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!