-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Stop Footing Around

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!