- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -102

" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

thumb_up thumb_down +48

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -27

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -141

Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +249

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

thumb_up thumb_down +78

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!