You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

thumb_up thumb_down +42

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +35

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

thumb_up thumb_down +198

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

thumb_up thumb_down +116

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

thumb_up thumb_down +212

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

thumb_up thumb_down +181

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -41

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +141

can i take a dump in your mouth?

thumb_up thumb_down -135

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

thumb_up thumb_down -128

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +248

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!