-Get in the Van

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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"You'll do."

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Lol, lucky you that this piece of shit site worked so fast for you huh DAD? Fine, I need no essay on her ass, my firm (well where I work at the top of the foodchain lets be modest here) sponsors all Samsung phones, so seriously ill get you the most expensive one I can find (its free, ill just tell them I need an extra one for, calling, but just for you, if you tell anybody else, ill just slash your tires. Man, I hate HATE sounding nice because I am not, but you can have that damn Fiat something (black car) that I bought from my ex, you take that instead? You still owe me the cash, but the car is yours (I never use it, and its you know... Bad, but still ten thousand times better than your car. Moral: Me? I just cant bother using my wives phone in order to call myself and find my own damn phone, so if you read this, you are golden. Oh, and if you want that piece of shit car of yours (cant even tell the brand can you? Seriously tell me) then you can have the damn money, but no paintjob, that car is, and must look like the trash it is. AMEN? Jk, Fuck Amen. Finally, so you want one with Keyboard attachment or one with keyboard embedded into the screen? The ones with the keyboards are usually a bit more pricey, but man, some of them suck ass, still I can get you like the one I got for business (yeah we gotta use fucking Samsung phones it pays well though) And forget your damn car tires, XD Im laughing here, some could steal those dirty flat pieces of shit, and you would be driving without noticing shit my whigga XD.

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!