-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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nice kid... want another?

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!