Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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my dick is 2 inches

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For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! *claps me on shoulder* Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! *leaves* Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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