Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!