I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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I hate you already.

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Wanna have sex?

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!