- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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You look... clean

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!