- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!