-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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I've got candy.

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!