Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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So when' the baby due?

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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adam burdass

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!