hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

so... you're a girl,huh?

Morals, greatest weakness revealed!: Doctor doctor! I cannot succeed at... pant pant *shorts shorts* *whine wheeze* at... At... AAAAAARGUUUUUU!!! FUCKING DOCTOR I CANNOT SUCCED AT... THE PAAAAAYNE! MAX PAYNE! BUHUHUHUHU!!! THE PAAAAINYE I CANNOT...SUCCEED AT... Doctor: At what? Shutting the fuck up? AND LEAVE THE HORSHEHEAD NETWORK? Moral: XD I cannot stop laughing, I am crying fucking tears of laughter :)) I was completely not gonna type that but then it spontaneously suddenly idea get! XD Moral: Green thumbs for self irony, this comment shall get one green thumbs ups, and it shall one green thumbs ups get, and the number of thumbs ups shall be one, as one be the number of thumbs ups. Moral: And I have not even said anything Moral: I deserve that green thumb this time! I earned it! SHAAAME YOU DARE SPOILMY GREEN THUMB OF VICTOLY WITH YOUR RED THUMB! SHAAAME! BUILD THE WALL OF FAILURE! FASTER STRONGER HARDER! I CURSE SHAME UPON YOUR SHAME AND BATHE IT IN THE WATER AND FLAMES OF SHAAAAAME! ALL BEFORE I SPrinkle it with small bits of sugar... AND SHAAAAME! LEAVE THE GREEN THUMB ALONE!!!! BUAHUAHAHA! LEAVE IT ALONEEEEEEEEE! Moral: HEEEY HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT GREEN THUMB! I SAID ONE GREEN THUMB! ONE! AND ONLY MINE! SHAME!!!!

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

Are you from Wales, because...well...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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