-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Welcome to DIE!

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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I have a gun.

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I'll eat your poop

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!