Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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"You'll do."

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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I'll punch ya!

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!