Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Have you met Ted?

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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You smell just like my mom...

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!