Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!