Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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You smell just like my mom...

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!