I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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You smell just like my mom...

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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The anti pickup line hard to believe: Woman: Me so hony! Me wan lose virginity to you! I make free love for hours! Man: Wow, are you that popular Asian supermodel known for her enormous tits? I heard you really are virgin! Damn I am single and all but I kinda promised my ex girlfriend I would help her get back together with the guy she cheated on me with. Woman: But me so hony! I wait for u for many many long time! But I wait for u only for a month is looong time! Man: Eh, I kinda promised I would fix her washing machine too, and then I have to cut her grandmothers toenails and... Anyways sorry I cant this month :( Moral: Yeah like that is ever going to happen! (then again I tend to expect too much)

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!