- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

are you on fire?

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

"You'll do."

Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... gets up and leaves Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book