- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

thumb_up thumb_down -14

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

thumb_up thumb_down -319

I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +232

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

thumb_up thumb_down -29

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

thumb_up thumb_down +141

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

thumb_up thumb_down +2

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!