Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -25

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -51

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +35

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

thumb_up thumb_down -135

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -45

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

You allergic to semen?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -33

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

thumb_up thumb_down +386

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +212

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!