Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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jack sanders

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!