Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!