Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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