Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

thumb_up thumb_down +76

—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

thumb_up thumb_down +214

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +316

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Does it smell in here or it just you?

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

thumb_up thumb_down -67

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Lesbihonest

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -77

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +346

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!