Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!