-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Walking to your car alone later?

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!