-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!