Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!