"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!