Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!