Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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"Next!"

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!