What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!