Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!