Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!