"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

You allergic to semen?

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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