MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

i am with stupid l l l \/

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

nice kid... want another?

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!