Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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adam burdass

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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You look exactly like my sister.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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my dick is 2 inches

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!