Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -100

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +196

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

thumb_up thumb_down -126

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -132

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +225

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -224

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

thumb_up thumb_down -239

If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

thumb_up thumb_down

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

thumb_up thumb_down +43

"You'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!