Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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adam burdass

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!