- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

-hey, come here a minute.

EVERYONE ELSE

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

Yeah... you'll have to do.

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!