Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Are your prices by the hour

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Have you met Ted?

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!