showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

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H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!