Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!