Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!