You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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will you marry me

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!