(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!