Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!