You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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I've got candy.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!