-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!