I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -68

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!