At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Five dollar women... WOO!

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

thumb_up thumb_down -156

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +320

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -64

"Next!"

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +478

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!