There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!