- Anti-Pickup Line

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

adam burdass

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my Cck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my Pssy, oh wait you'll never get it

I know what you guys are all thinking when you read my crazy stuff below: "That guy is crazy as fuck" My reply? Yeah I admit it, I get crazy as fuck when I and two or more ladies fuck for more than eight hours, my life is so sad. Anyway... I am chillaxing again, getting old here, not sure if I can go another round, soon I am gonna have to lie down and let the ladies do some work too... Wish me luck girls! Guys go fuck yourself its all you got. Anyway, I saw this famous book today: ALPHA MAN: LEADER OF MEN. I Lolled, someday I am gonna write ALPHA MAN: LEADER OF WOMEN TO YOUR BED... YOu might learn something girls... Where I live and stuff ;) You see I dont even lead them here anymore, they come to me! AND IN RETURN I COME IN THEM! AND THEY COME FOR ME! AND WITH EACH OTHE... ...Bitch opened the window (not my wife, our bitch) I am sweaty, the bedsheets are wet and... Rebecca is nice and all, cutest girl ever loved anal, but damn she is stupid. Sorry Harris, but you know your sistah has more curves than a racetrack... Harris if you ever read this, stop calling me SON all the time my bro from another ho. My point Harris, is that regardless of your sistah being smart maybe just pretending to be stupid, a girl with the face of an angel and the body of the goddess of sex dont need to use her brains DAD! YOU KNOW DAD! I JUST FUCKED YOUR SISTER DAD! CAN YOU HEAR HOW WRONG IT IS! YOU CANT CALL ME SON LIKE DAT!

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

I think I shit myself

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!