I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!