Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!