Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!