Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

thumb_up thumb_down -110

-Do you like me? -No

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +395

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Put the lotion on the skin!

thumb_up thumb_down

so... you're a girl,huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -54

I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -145

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +73

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,262

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +372

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +482

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

thumb_up thumb_down +80

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

thumb_up thumb_down +700

-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

thumb_up thumb_down +472

After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

thumb_up thumb_down +561

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!