if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +147

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -96

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -161

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -838

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +314

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

thumb_up thumb_down -116

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +328

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -57

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down -44

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

thumb_up thumb_down +952

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

thumb_up thumb_down +551

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!