Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

thumb_up thumb_down +715

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +68

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -58

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +515

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

thumb_up thumb_down -15

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

thumb_up thumb_down +141

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +128

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!