Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +156

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

thumb_up thumb_down -144

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +157

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +326

will you marry me

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

thumb_up thumb_down -64

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

thumb_up thumb_down +140

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

thumb_up thumb_down -66

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +96

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!