Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!