Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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"Next!"

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!