I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!