-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!