-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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I have no gag reflex.

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"Don't scream"

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!