Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -145

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

hey Herpes Go Away!

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

thumb_up thumb_down -21

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +186

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -37

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +52

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down +63

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -40

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

thumb_up thumb_down +138

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!