You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Wanna have sex?

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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you look like my mother

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!