The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

Hey, you want a ride?

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

hey Herpes Go Away!

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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