Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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adam burdass

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!