Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!