-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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"You'll do."

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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I've got candy.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!