- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +244

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

thumb_up thumb_down +11

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +61

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

thumb_up thumb_down +85

if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +86

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +183

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

thumb_up thumb_down -169

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +39

why are you you touching me ????

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Gaywatch starts

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

thumb_up thumb_down

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!