Male: Get in the van.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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greetings clarisse...

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!