You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!