-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!