Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!