If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +44

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

thumb_up thumb_down +43

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

thumb_up thumb_down -132

"You'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

thumb_up thumb_down -166

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

thumb_up thumb_down +42

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down -12

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +28

you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!