Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!