cockface

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Glass Basketball

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Are your prices by the hour

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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