He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!