Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -120

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +239

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

thumb_up thumb_down -876

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +167

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down +13

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +277

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

thumb_up thumb_down -105

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -39

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!