Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!