How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!