Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +86

guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +48

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +59

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Male: Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +22

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

thumb_up thumb_down +191

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!