Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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my dick is 2 inches

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!