Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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you look like my mother

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!