Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!