Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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greetings clarisse...

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!