- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Still a better love story than Twilight

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book