- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

haha

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!