wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!