Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -185

Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,045

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +444

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

thumb_up thumb_down -50

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Nice hair, can I pull it?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

thumb_up thumb_down -45

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +194

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -160

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +36

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

thumb_up thumb_down -77

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +335

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!