Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!