-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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are you on fire?

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!