Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!