- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book