Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

so... you're a girl,huh?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -577

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +930

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +205

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -163

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

I'll punch ya!

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!