I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!