He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!