-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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Welcome to DIE!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!