- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -14

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!