I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

Jdkfk

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Hey wanna smash pissers?

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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