Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Hello children! :D

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!