- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Moral man: Hey ladies... wanna read my "moral man original jokes?" then you are at the right place! Just scroll down the newest section and you will feel, insulted, charmed, happy, sad, and all that stuff you always wanted! Except beaten up... Moral man do other things to women... BTW I used to write comics (not draw them) for STUPIDO once... well I cant say more... Girl: "Reads": OMG I SO WANT YOU! Moral: If you are gonna like me less (or more) because of the "infomercial" nature of this anti-joke, then you must be the kind that yells to the TV a lot, and throw bricks at the television when it says "this show is presented by" So just do it, prove you are a nutcase, give me that luxury.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Stop Footing Around

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!