You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!