Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

Do you want to see something swell?

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

Hey can I have your number? No.

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!