Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

thumb_up thumb_down -24

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +28

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -51

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

thumb_up thumb_down -50

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +182

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -54

-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

thumb_up thumb_down +137

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

thumb_up thumb_down +151

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -117

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!