- Anti-Pickup Line

sound of zipper

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Yeah you got me there dude, you really got my bragging rights... I am here with some "just" (nothing special) friend of my wife, that is wearing me out as she wont get off my Swagger, but while mentioning it like this makes me just as depraved as her... Gotta say, woman pleading me to get jumping on my cock, while my wife makes us breakfast... ...Im done being the king, im a fucking God. Anyway, "Eriksen" (you know who I mean) is pissed at me because I was supposed to be at work, and he apparently spends time here looking for me when he knows I am getting down and... Man this woman needs the cock... I mean at this rate she will bang me to death... ...But what a way to go. But seriously, would I really be at work, and allow you to come get my/now your car from garage whose walls are so paper thin that the police and securitas would be on your ass if I was not at least nearby? (well securitas are lazy, but as a lawyer, I benefit from suing them... Again) There are like eight alarms there, and you so gangsta you would get jailed. UPDATE: Punches, not slaps, remember the guy who punched that sweet chick when he got drunk, and then you punched me down and I got up and broke your jaw? Yeah that shit stings still, Five punches, at any time (no haymakers hey, I know my haymakers/uppercuts) but you take five punches... The fuck am I talking to, whigs is here already... Moral: I wont just write this shit just to make it all disappear with a delete button, fuck, im a super sayan!

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? looks down pants Meh!

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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