- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

your boobs are bigger than my nose

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... door slams

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book