Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!