Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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your almost as hot as my wife

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!