- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!