M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Hey wanna smash pissers?

thumb_up thumb_down -136

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

thumb_up thumb_down +15

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

thumb_up thumb_down +166

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!