—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Hello children! :D

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!