So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!