I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +100

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +62

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -53

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

thumb_up thumb_down -67

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +141

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -171

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +8

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -221

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,033

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -270

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!