hey you look like a good practice girl.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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hey bitch

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I hate you already.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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I have a gun.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!