you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Welcome to DIE!

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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I have a gun.

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I'll eat your poop

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!