Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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Want to go out? No

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!