Wanna have sex?

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!