Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!