- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is zip FEMALE: gurgle gurgle scream

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

You allergic to semen?

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book