Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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nice kid... want another?

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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You allergic to semen?

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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-Get in the Van

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!