Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

thumb_up thumb_down -49

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

thumb_up thumb_down +166

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

thumb_up thumb_down +29

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +143

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +228

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

thumb_up thumb_down +153

hey bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -235

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +383

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -280

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -123

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +395

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!