-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!