- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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Im gonna rape you..

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!