Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -75

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -80

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -38

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

thumb_up thumb_down +449

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +76

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -66

The anti pickup line hard to believe: Woman: Me so hony! Me wan lose virginity to you! I make free love for hours! Man: Wow, are you that popular Asian supermodel known for her enormous tits? I heard you really are virgin! Damn I am single and all but I kinda promised my ex girlfriend I would help her get back together with the guy she cheated on me with. Woman: But me so hony! I wait for u for many many long time! But I wait for u only for a month is looong time! Man: Eh, I kinda promised I would fix her washing machine too, and then I have to cut her grandmothers toenails and... Anyways sorry I cant this month :( Moral: Yeah like that is ever going to happen! (then again I tend to expect too much)

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +40

can i take a dump in your mouth?

thumb_up thumb_down -134

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -19

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

thumb_up thumb_down +50

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!