-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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Hello children! :D

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!