Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Lesbihonest

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!