-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!