Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Have you met Ted?

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Yeah you got me there dude, you really got my bragging rights... I am here with some "just" (nothing special) friend of my wife, that is wearing me out as she wont get off my Swagger, but while mentioning it like this makes me just as depraved as her... Gotta say, woman pleading me to get jumping on my cock, while my wife makes us breakfast... ...Im done being the king, im a fucking God. Anyway, "Eriksen" (you know who I mean) is pissed at me because I was supposed to be at work, and he apparently spends time here looking for me when he knows I am getting down and... Man this woman needs the cock... I mean at this rate she will bang me to death... ...But what a way to go. But seriously, would I really be at work, and allow you to come get my/now your car from garage whose walls are so paper thin that the police and securitas would be on your ass if I was not at least nearby? (well securitas are lazy, but as a lawyer, I benefit from suing them... Again) There are like eight alarms there, and you so gangsta you would get jailed. UPDATE: Punches, not slaps, remember the guy who punched that sweet chick when he got drunk, and then you punched me down and I got up and broke your jaw? Yeah that shit stings still, Five punches, at any time (no haymakers hey, I know my haymakers/uppercuts) but you take five punches... The fuck am I talking to, whigs is here already... Moral: I wont just write this shit just to make it all disappear with a delete button, fuck, im a super sayan!

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!