Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

thumb_up thumb_down +236

Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -149

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Lesbihonest

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

thumb_up thumb_down +3

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

thumb_up thumb_down -2

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

thumb_up thumb_down -68

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +114

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!