Happy BirthdaySean!

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Stop Footing Around

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Golf.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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You look exactly like my sister.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!