Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Stop Footing Around

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!