are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!