Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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Stop Footing Around

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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sound of zipper

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!