I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!