You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!