Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Stop Footing Around

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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You look exactly like my sister.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!