-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +79

A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +198

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

thumb_up thumb_down +75

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

thumb_up thumb_down +68

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +162

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -77

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +161

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +124

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down +14

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!