roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down +3

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +188

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

thumb_up thumb_down +176

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

thumb_up thumb_down +162

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

thumb_up thumb_down +199

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

thumb_up thumb_down +107

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +59

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -120

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -33

yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!