wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Im gonna rape you..

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!