-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down +65

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

thumb_up thumb_down -9

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down +56

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

EVERYONE ELSE

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!