Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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rohypnol. rape drug

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nice kid... want another?

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!