If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down +5

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

your almost as hot as my wife

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +78

The below is no anti-pickupline unless you are a Jehova`s witness and want to uh... save my sole or something? Or just read a fun story... Moral: Like pick up lines is something one of them would use... actually they do after I reject their many offers... how? Keep on reading below to find out... its fun, promise. (unless you are a Jehova`s witness...)

thumb_up thumb_down +48

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

thumb_up thumb_down +135

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

thumb_up thumb_down +17

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

- You look really nice - I know

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!