Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Male: Get in the van.

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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sex me.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Im gonna rape you..

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!