Welcome to DIE!

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Lesbihonest

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!