Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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my dick is 2 inches

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!