You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

my dick is 2 inches

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

Male: Get in the van.

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!