Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +84

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

thumb_up thumb_down -106

"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -25

-Do you like me? -No

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +48

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -3

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!