my dick is 2 inches

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Male: Get in the van.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!