Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Are your prices by the hour

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!