Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +95

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -17

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +131

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -105

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

thumb_up thumb_down +68

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

thumb_up thumb_down

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!