So when' the baby due?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Get in the van.

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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Im gonna rape you..

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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why are you you touching me ????

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!