Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!