Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Are your prices by the hour

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!