"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-I love you.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!