damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!