Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Soon

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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-I love you.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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The below is no anti-pickupline unless you are a Jehova`s witness and want to uh... save my sole or something? Or just read a fun story... Moral: Like pick up lines is something one of them would use... actually they do after I reject their many offers... how? Keep on reading below to find out... its fun, promise. (unless you are a Jehova`s witness...)

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!