“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

How much do you like peanut butter?

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

Soon

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

-I love you.

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

i am with stupid l l l \/

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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