- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

i am with stupid l l l \/

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book