Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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- You look really nice - I know

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!