Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!