-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Soon

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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-I love you.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!