-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +165

Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

thumb_up thumb_down +121

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

thumb_up thumb_down -147

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +144

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

thumb_up thumb_down +76

I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

thumb_up thumb_down +184

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +168

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +82

It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

thumb_up thumb_down +20

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

thumb_up thumb_down -167

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!