So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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-I love you.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Soon

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!