I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Do you want to see something swell?

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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