If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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Nice legs what time do they open

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!