*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!