You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Jdkfk

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!